Hollywood Sightseeing Tours:
HELLS NO, I’M NOT BUYING YOU A STAR MAP, AUNT MABEL!
If you live in Los Angeles, the EPITOME of a shitty day is one in which you have to drive from WeHo to NoHo to Santa Monica and back. Add in Pasadena and I think I’d kill myself. But when Aunt Mabel and Cousin José come to town, they want to SIGHTSEE!!!!
Here is your solution: PUT THEM ON THIS BUS. For two to five hours, your relatives can enjoy what to you would be the worst day on Earth, but for them is a trip to Movie Magic Land’.
The LITTLE YELLOW BUS of Hollywood Sightseeing Tours is better than the crappy-ass BIG RED BUS tour because the LITTLE YELLOW BUS can make sharper turns and sneak into more famous people’s driveways.
If you are a sadist (or you actually like your relatives) you can go on the tour too and add your own commentary:
“That’s my gym”
“That’s the ATM I use a lot”
“I once saw a homeless man peeing there”
I will confess that I DID do this tour and learned a few interesting facts after all:
#1) Aaron Spelling just sold his house for only $85 million. Poor guy. That was $65 million less than his asking price.
#2) Bob Newhart lives in the Fresh Prince of Bel Air House. I WANT TO LIVE IN THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR HOUSE!
#3) The words “Nicholas Cage” and “Boing!” are the same in English and German. Thank you, large German man behind me for translating the entire tour into German, much more loudly than the tour guide.
Of course you love your family, but when you need a few hours to finish that draft of your webseries or work your day job, or just get high, call:
HOLLYWOOD SIGHTSEEING TOURS
(Entertaining your family for you since 1994)
1 800 870 1886