Posted by: Tangled Web | March 10, 2011

First Class Time Travel

First Class

Time Travel with American Airlines

You only get this view of the luxury TVs if you fork out the extra $2000

Through a bizarre series of events involving air miles, flight schedules, and over-protective mothers, I ended up flying FIRST CLASS to New Hampshire this Christmas.  I was a little worried that the luxury level would make me feel uncomfortable.  I’m not  a high roller. This was a fluke! And boy was I out of my element! I sure see why millionares shell out thousands for the extreme luxuries of the front of the plane.  Now you can too.

My industrial grey leather seat was practically cashmere embedded with diamonds!. I got a FREE McDonald’s quality breakfast: scrambled eggs, TWO slices of sausage, almost-ripe fruit, and a biscuit. No wonder people pay double to quadruple the price for this kind of luxury!

McDonalds: $4.99, American Airlines: $500

Did I mention the best part? American Airlines First Class isn’t just an airplane…it’s also a  TIME MACHINE!

I actually got to TRAVEL BACK IN TIME to air travel of the 1985!   I had almost forgotten: NO internet!  Cigarette Lighters instead of plugs for your electronics! Cathode ray tubes! WOW! I can’t believe I’ve been spending my money-strapped adult years buying economy class tix from state-of-the-art modern airlines when I could have been paying $1000-$8000 extra for the retro FIRST  CLASS experience.   Can you believe American Airlines is actually going bankrupt!?!

Just in case you too would like to spend extra air miles or $1000s of dollars to experience the luxuries of American Airlines First Class, here is a little visual tour of my experience.

Vast Leg Room! (I am 5’2”)

Plastic tray table comes out of the ARM REST bitches!

WAY classier plastic cups

1000 points for the on-board baked chocolate chip cookies. Suck it economy!

OK, they DID give us Samsung Tablets full of current movies AND unlimited booze. But it was 8am! I couldn’t even get sloshed and keep my dignity. So I only got a little sloshed. Come on! It was my first and LAST time in dum dum duuuum….FIRST CLASS!

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Responses

  1. Ha ha! Yes! When you started tweeting from the plane before takeoff, about the lack of Edison plugs, I knew there would be an awesomely-sarcastic blog post a-comin’.


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